


Rakhana Spring

by NyxEternal



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: AU?, Character Death Fix, Drell - Freeform, Drug Use, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Indoctrination Theory, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rakhana, Shrios
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:52:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16872441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyxEternal/pseuds/NyxEternal
Summary: I wrote this ages ago for an RP partner as an alternate for the ship. When Shepard gets a distress call from Rakhana, she doesn't hesitate to go. But in doing so, what will she uncover from what she believed to be a dead planet?





	1. Distress Call

”Uh, Commander?” Joker’s query brought Emilia’s attention from the galaxy map. She looked up in the direction of the cockpit. “Got a distress call you may wanna hear. Patching it through.”

There was silence for a few seconds after he said it. She started to ask if there was something wrong before static burst over the communications link. It was followed by a loud screech, then faded back into silence.

“Where the hell did that come from, Joker?” She demanded. Static and screeching could only mean trouble. 

“You’re not gonna believe this, Commander.” Joker paused. “It came from Rakhana.”

“Set a course. Now.” Emilia grabbed the railing that separated her from the galaxy map to support herself and leaned forward. “What the hell would be going on there…”

“Yes ma'am. ETA is about one hour.” Joker announced. She nodded and shut her eyes.

In the three years since the Reapers attacked, she had come to accept she would have no more great adventures. After all, what battle was better? Against the Reapers, and her own Indoctrination? After all that, what was left for her? It did not help that the galaxy had gone back to a somewhat still quiet; patches here and there of problems while people tried to rebuild, but nothing more. The galaxy strove for normalcy again.

A distress call from a dead planet was far from normal.

Routine missions, right? After all this time, she had gotten complacent. Routine missions and fame. Popularity. 

She stepped down and walked to the elevator. One slow ride to her cabin left her with her thoughts. Rakhana was the Drell homeworld. Eleven billion had been left after the Hanar saved them. Left to slaughter each other over resources. After Thane's funeral, she studied into it when she had free time. 

It was a disturbing thought, in truth. The Hanar only managed to save a handful, comparatively. How did they decide who lived and who died? Why didn't they try to help circumvent the destruction of the entire race in some other way?

Was exodus the only answer?

The elevator stopped at the first floor and the doors opened. What on Rakhana could send out a distress signal? Something didn’t add up. Dead planets don't send distress calls, least of all to the Savior of the Galaxy.

Gods, she hated that title. 

Emilia ran a hand through her hair as she walked into the cabin. Three years and several upgrades later, it looked almost identical to the way it had when Cerberus had built it. It felt more like home, now. It saw a few deviations, admittedly. Instead of harsh black and soft blue, it was blue and gold. A fitting match for her, she supposed. 

She slipped into the bathroom and turned on the water. It ran as background noise, the sound washing away her thoughts. She needed that right now. She didn't want to  _think_ , knowing where she was going.

A dead planet. A dead woman. It all fit so perfectly.

She snatched the bottle of pills off the shelf. In an hour, they would be on a planet she had never seen before. She _needed_ to be aware of what she was doing. 

The way her hands shook told her there was little use in trying to deny the temptation. As damaging as it was, she needed the pills. They took away the pain of withdraw and of reality. If she tried hard enough, she could convince herself it was no different than taking painkillers for an injury.

In fact, that was exactly what it was. She was sick. This was  _medicine_. That was right.

Emilia poured one of the pills into her hand and walked back to the sink. She took one look at herself, one last look before she let herself fall into the hallucinations. Medicine. This was medicine. She was  _sick_. She was  _treating_ a sickness.

Her appearance changed a lot from the first time she was on the ship; such a tortured, young soul then. Now she stood a tortured monolith with her straw-blonde hair that went from a bun, to a ponytail, now to just under her ears and free from a tie. Scars marred her face, but not the same ones she came onto the first Normandy with. 

Back then, she wore a scar proud across her face, from cheek to cheek. After her resurrection she had a notch in her cheek. A parting gift from where her helmet had been cracked. Now, the most prominent scar was on the right side of her face. From her forehead to her jaw. A memory of the war.

The biggest difference was her eyes. The first time she stepped onto the Normandy, they were a bright blue that held promise. Over time, though the color never changed, the brightness did. The shine they once held was gone, darkened by the reality of the years gone by and their promise long gone. It was a wonder they had not just turned red from all the bloodshed.

She was just a caricature of the woman who first stepped on the SR-1 Normandy.

She swallowed the pill and leaned forward to splash the water on her face. Joker was the only one who knew her dirty secret. He had tried to find her stash, but was unable every time. She rarely kept it in the same place for more than a week. After a while, he gave up, but he always knew. He always gave her that look.

 _I'm here for you_ , it seemed to scream,  _talk to me._

But how could she explain to anyone why she needed this? How could she explain the head sick, the heart sick,  _the soul sick_? She should have died so many years ago, but the universe kept her alive, kept her going. Death was stolen from her so many times, it seemed laughable.

She slammed her palm into the sink and cried out, tears sliding down her face. Bile burned at the back of her throat. Who stared back at her in the mirror, with bright blue eyes, and long blonde hair, skin fresh and clean? Who was this woman?

Who was she?

She squeezed her eyes shut and inhaled a mixture of clinical sterility and cinnamon, cardamom, an _overabundance_ of lavender. For a moment, she was there again, the smell of copper filling her lungs as tears stung her face, turning to daggers ripping at her very soul. The beeps of the machines slowing, slowing.  _Dying_ , as part of her went with them.

A horn echoed in her mind and she felt her body tense, like it could armor itself by turning to pure, solid muscle. As if that could do anything. As if  _she_ could do anything to defend herself.

Savior of the Galaxy, right? One woman army.  _Immortal_. A modern day fucking  _God_. Right?

More like the ghost of a hero.

"Commander?" Joker's voice cut through the haze like a knife. "We're approaching Rakhana. Shuttle is ready to go."


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arriving on a Dead Planet

Kaidan sat next to Emilia on the shuttle, too close for comfort. She shivered, as everything felt freezing. For trips, this wasn't a bad one. But she also did not take as much as she liked to.

Every bump and sound in the shuttle morphed thanks to the Hallex. Knives danced under her skin, pricking her from the inside out, as her stomach twisted and knotted itself. She squeezed her eyes shut.

 _Get a grip, Shepard_.

The shuttle landed with a jolt and the door opened. She wavered as she stood; Kaidan was quick to steady her. She didn't look over at him. She could feel the concern. How would he feel if he knew how far she fell?

Would he still idolize her? Look at her with pride and a smile? Would he still  _love_ her? Not that she particularly wanted it, of course, but sometimes, it was nice to know she could still be loved.

"I'm fine," she snapped at him. He let her go.

Once off the shuttle, she looked around. An orange sky held a haze that only barely blocked out the burning, bright, hot star that almost glowed red. All of this lingered over a barren wasteland filled with rocks and small hills. Most unsettling, however, was the image on the horizon. Tall, metallic structures that stretched and reached for the star. They weren't look far; she could make out details of chipped and broken sides and rooftops, worn by time and disuse, windows and doors, alleys and thru-ways. 

At this distance, however, they looked like a skeleton. Society's skeleton, she supposed. Was this a standing testament to archaic Drell culture? Some statement to how they, perhaps, always reached for the stars?

Had they always dreamed of celestial salvation?

"You sure this is the place, Shepard?" Kaidan asked from behind her. Emilia struggled to grasp onto his words. How much of what she was seeing was real? Was this skeleton just another figment of her hallucinations?

It did not matter. She had to be sure. No one could know.

"Y-yeah. This is Rakhana..." she mumbled. Was it? That was where she remembered needing to go. The lingering effects of the Hallex were making things difficult to understand.

"This is what remains of the Drell home world..." Liara commented, her voice a clear sound in the muddled mess of Emilia's mind. If she tried, she could make out the sound of the shuttle leaving behind them. "Fascinating."

"Seems pretty dead to me. No way the distress signal could have come from here," Kaidan remarked. "Could be a trap."

"We'll take that risk. Nothing can be worse than the Reapers," Emilia snapped. She hoped she wouldn't live long enough to regret saying that. The silence that followed her comment told her Kaidan and Liara hoped they did not live long enough, either. An uneasy tension blanketed the group.

Movement caught her eye; a figured in a dark cloak running to an alley. Emilia broke into a run to pursue it. Hostile, or friendly, it had more answers than the landscape did.

She didn't look to see if Kaidan or Liara followed her. She didn't care. Her heart raced, faster and faster, the sound of it in her ears not unlike the sound of rushing waves.  _Waves, sand, the sea_.

No.

She could not lose herself to that fantasy here. Not here.  _Anywhere_ but here.

The figure disappeared as she approached the buildings. She paused, looking for any sign of where it might have gone, only to spot it again, peeking out of an alley. She raced after it, down the narrow alley until she could corner the figure.

The small figure turned to face her, clutching the tattered cloak tightly in greenish yellow hands, the middle and ring fingers fused to make one appendage. Large teal-black eyes stared up at her, wide and full of fear. If she had to venture a guess, this was a Drell  _child_.

"It's alright," she said as she crouched. The child stared at her, trembling. "I'm not gonna hurt you. Can you understand me?"

The child said nothing. Emilia bit her lip. It came as no surprise, really. Rakhana would, at best, have more primitive technology. At worst, it would have none. Poor kid. With a large language barrier, she imagined the child would be  _horrified_ of her.

"Get away from my daughter," said a voice behind her. Emilia glanced back to see a Drell woman, bright yellow skin and orange eyes brandishing a gun at her. "Go!"

"This doesn't have to get violent," Emilia said as she rose to her feet, hands in the air. The woman posed no real threat, but she wanted to put her at ease. "I received a distress call from this planet. Can you understand me?"

"Yes," the woman said. The child ran up to her and latched onto her side, just as Kaidan and Liara approached the alleyway. Emilia closed her hand, fingers flat, to motion for them to stop. "You come with me."

 

 

"Alright," she said, nodding to her companions. "We'll go with you."

 


	3. Bitter Suite

After an hour of walking, clouds rolled in across the sky. Emilia hoped they would block the sun and offer some relief from the heat, but it was a futile hope. Under her armor, she boiled, sweat running down her skin in near rivers. It was stifling.

At least the effects of the Hallex were starting to wear off.

The Drell woman led them far from the buildings they first saw, down a road that seemed to go into the heart of the skeletal city. Above them, buildings creaked and moaned, some half destroyed and holding themselves up only with prayer. She swallowed hard, finding it more sobering a sight than when they first arrived.

They stopped at a short, squat building with no windows and no door, just a large opening. The child was set down and ran into the building as the woman turned to them. Orange eyes narrowed at them.

"Stay," she snapped. "I'll bring someone."

She left the three of them to stand outside the building, but from where she was standing, Emilia could clearly see signs of life inside. A light flickered, strange voices were heard. A family, maybe more, probably sought shelter here.

“Rakhana’s not half as dead as we thought,” Emilia mused. Shocking with the heat. Then again, when she thought about how hot Life Support always seemed, it made a little more sense.

No one else offered their comments. She couldn't blame them. This was a bizarre situation, and one no one would have expected. But, she supposed, it made sense. The Hanar took away a chunk of the population. Why shouldn't the rest try to find a way to survive?

It made her wonder, again, however. Why didn't the Hanar help the remaining survivors? Were families separated? How was it  _decided_ who left and who stayed? The thoughts that followed made her uncomfortable, filled with memories of alien soldiers marching on Mindoir, herding people into cages and killing whoever resisted.

Emilia turned back to Kaidan and Liara. She would look into it later. The Hanar likely had some resources, but she wasn't going to bank on it. She would look elsewhere.

“Shepard,” Emilia felt her heart stop. She knew that voice. She heard it in her dreams for the past three years. Was she still high? “I hoped you were still in command of the Normandy.”

She didn't want to open her eyes. This couldn't be real. He was  _dead_! She watched him die, she said her goodbyes, she wept. She wept and her soul died. All the color had drained from her world with his death, and here she was, hearing his voice, hearing  _him_ when it couldn't be.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip as she heard Kaidan pull his gun from his holster.  _Guide this one, Kalahira_. The words echoed in her mind, louder and louder, again and again. Thane Krios  _died_.

“Kaidan, stop!” Liara exclaimed. 

"I told you, this was a trap."

"Commander, please!"

Emilia slowly exhaled and raised her clenched fist. He was real. If Kaidan reacted like that, there was no avoiding it. But Kaidan could also be right.

In one, swift motion, she pulled her gun and turned to face him, eyes open and burning with tears. All words died in her throat when she saw him, just as she remembered. Dark eyes stared at her, his hands raised in a surrendering motion. He no longer wore his coat, now favoring lighter colors that looked so damn good on him.

This... Man approached her, her finger on the trigger, until the barrel was pressed to his chest. He placed his hand on the barrel and she glanced at it, the memory of  _his_ hands on her skin burning through her mind. She would not back down.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Emilia snapped, looking up into his eyes. They were unreadable, but that expression... 

“I think you already know the answer to that question, siha.” The word spilled from his lips like a punch to the gut. She considered it, for a moment, then put the gun away.

“That explains the distress signal,” Right to the point. “What’s going on here?”

Thane resumed his calm composure, hands behind his back and straight posture. It was easy to believe the man in front of her was really him. She wanted to believe it, after all.

“We needed your help.” He kept his gaze on her and she could feel herself cracking. He had disarmed her with a  _word_. “The tribe I have been helping has steadily been losing numbers.”

“Get to the point,  _Krios._ ” Emilia crossed her arms. “Why did you send out the distress signal? Missing tribe members isn’t enough to warrant that.”

“Cerberus.” That one word, simple in delivery, sent fire in her veins. Cerberus, the dead terrorist group. Cerberus, the people who rebuilt her. Cerberus, the ones who killed him.

Apparently, nothing dead liked to stay that way.

“Makes you think it’s Cerberus? I took care of that problem.” Even as she said it, she was unsure of the truth. Once, she was sure Thane was dead and convinced she would never be indoctrinated. Time seemed to enjoy making a fool out of her.

“One of them lost their shield. One of the women in the tribe brought it back. She thought I would have an idea of what it was,” he explained. There was a slight, uncomfortable tone in Thane’s voice. Emilia disregarded it, still not sure this was real. Some part of her still thought she may be on the ship, unconscious or high. Maybe she had overdosed.

“And you expect us to help you?” she asked, looking him in the eye, steeling herself. “Why should we? I'm Alliance, Rakhana’s problems aren’t my concern.”

Her tone was crueler than she intended. He stared at her with something not unlike pity. Time had changed her and they both knew it.

“No, they aren’t. But Cerberus is,” he stated. Emilia glanced to the side, to Kaidan.

She hated that Thane was right.

“Fine,” she said as she took a deep breath. “I’ll help. Just point me in the direction and let’s get this over with.”


	4. Plans

Thane led them into the building that reminded her more of a parking garage on Earth than a place for dozens of people to live, but there they were. Men, women, children, elderly. All around were small clusters, families and friends, she supposed. Some areas were marked off with large strips of fabric, and there were tables and chairs scattered about. On the far wall, she noticed what she assumed was a kitchen area.

These people lived like this. Was this the whole tribe, even? How many tribes were there?

The Council could help Rakhana. Had an obligation to, she would venture. And even if they wouldn't, the Savior of the Galaxy could use her influence to aid them.

 

The child from before peeked out from under the table, eyes wide and focused on Emilia and her companions. She seemed curious, but still very frightened. Emilia could hardly blame her. At any age, an introduction to aliens for the first time we not easy. Especially armed ones.

The room fell silent as eyes slowly turned on them. Emilia was fairly certain none of them could understand her, let alone knew who she was. She stood straighter and glanced back at Kaidan again. If he was anywhere near as lost as she was, he didn’t show it.

Thane walked past them and to the woman who brought them there. It was easy to recognize her from the absolute hatred in her eyes and the lighter tone to her skin. Emilia turned to Kaidan and Liara.

“I knew there was some life left on Rakhana, but not like this,” Liara commented. There was a hint of curiosity in her eyes, mixed with sympathy. “How have they survived so long?”

“I don’t know, Liara.” Emilia glanced over her shoulder. The little girl was creeping closer. “I don’t think I want to.”

Emilia turned and knelt down in front of the child. She had gotten brave; the distance between them now only a small gap. Emilia could reach out and touch the girl’s shoulder if she wanted to.

The child froze in place. She was scared, with every reason to be. There was no reason to blame her for it.

Emilia hung her head. So many questions raced through her mind. Was that man really Thane? Why was Cerberus still around, let alone on Rakhana? Her stomach twisted.

“Are you gonna bring daddy back home?” The child’s voice sounded odd, thick with an accent Emilia couldn’t place. She looked up to see the hope in the girl’s face.

“Yeah,” Emilia said as she drew her lips into a thin line. Whatever reason she ever could have had for turning her back on these people seemed to dissipate. She fought to help people, not for her own gain. “I’ll bring him home, kiddo.”

The girl wrinkled her nose in response. “You sound funny! I don’t even know what you’re saying!”

Emilia stared at her for a moment, then chuckled and nodded. She should have guessed as much, but it didn’t take the humor from the situation. The little girl seemed to light up and she grinned.

“Thank you, Miss Alien!” she said as she scurried off, back to her mother’s side. She grabbed at the woman’s arm in an attempt to get her attention. 

The sight brought a small smile to Emilia’s face, as shadowed as it was. 

“Shepard, you can’t guarantee we’re gonna find her father.” Kaidan was quick to say what she was already thinking. She looked down and clenched her hand into a fist. The fact was the girl’s father could already be dead.

“We’ll figure out what to do when we get there,” she said as she stood, her gaze falling back on Thane. He was still talking to the woman. “Chances are, Cerberus has something set up here. If they’re taking tribe members.”

It felt weird saying Cerberus. For so long, she was under the assumption the group had dissipated with The Illusive Man’s disappearance. If he resurfaced, then she still had some cleaning up to do. And happily so.

Thane walked back to them, the woman close at his side. Her gaze stayed transfixed on Emilia. Hatred and distrust were easily conveyed, even with how difficult it seemed to read a Drell’s eyes.

“Alien,” the woman sneered as she cut in front of Thane. “You are going to put an end to our disappearing brothers and sisters?”

Emilia opened her mouth to speak, then simply nodded. No point. She probably didn't understand, either.

“I am coming with you,” she said as her eyes narrowed again. “Those other aliens. They took my husband. I want to see them dead.”

“She can’t come with us. She has a child to think about, doesn’t she?” Emilia asked as she looked past the woman and straight at Thane. “Tell her she can’t come with us.”

“She witnessed the last abduction. She refused to tell me where the Cerberus base is unless I agreed to let her come.” He was calm, naturally, and it drove her wild. She wanted to scream at him. This woman was a civilian, a mother. How could he justify endangering her like this?

Emilia nudged the woman aside and moved to strike Thane, then stopped and threw her hands up in defeat. He didn't flinch, instead choosing to merely stare her down. It had to be him. No one else could read her so well. She turned back to the door and started walking. Kaidan and Liara hesitated, then followed.

“You aren’t making a damn bit of this any better, Thane!” she shouted. Then her voice got quiet, a whisper only to herself. “For you or me...”


	5. Savet

“You’ve still got some questions to answer, Thane,” Emilia snapped. It felt like half a day had gone by in the heat of Rakhana. The scenery rarely changed. Desert, empty buildings, more desert. Their guide, who Emilia learned was named Savet, moved quickly, undisturbed by the heat.

“Once this is over, Commander, I’ll answer any questions you have.” Thane’s tone didn’t change. He was focused on helping the tribe, his tribe she assumed. The way he said “Commander”, however, sent a pain through her chest.

“No. You’re answering them, and now.” She struggled to keep up with him, between the heat and his natural speed. “First, how the  _hell_ are you alive?”

Thane met her question with silence. Seconds felt like minutes, passing slowly in the heat. The silence was even more stifling than the heat. She wanted her Hallex more than anything, now. Maybe it would make better sense. 

“I’m sorry. For lying to you, Shepard,” he apologized, his voice quiet and solemn. Even in the heat, it felt like her blood had frozen in her veins. The weight of his words sent her back to when the heaviest burden in her life was the Reaper threat. That was a time she was certain her life was crumbling to dust, and she was ready to welcome death with open arms.

For three, long years, she had been ready to die. Now she questioned everything that had happened. Cerberus was acting up, the man she loved lived and breathed beside her. 

“While you were incarcerated, I… Received the lung transplant,” he paused. Emilia felt numb at the revelation. He told her he hadn't...how could he do this? “When I saw you again on the Citadel, I was still recovering.”

“So why didn’t you tell me?” she blurted out. That was the just the tip of the iceberg. There was so much more she wanted to say, to scream at him. She wanted to fight, but this wasn't the time.

“I wanted to. But there was still a risk at that time.” The sadness in his voice made her want to forgive him, but she was still incredibly angry. “In the end, I didn’t want you to worry about my health. I chose to fake my death to allow you to focus on the mission at hand.”

There was no answer he could have given that would have made Emilia happy. That one just had to be the worst that she could think of. She wasn’t even sure how she should feel or respond.

“Alright. Next question. How and why did you end up on Rakhana?” The conversation got her mind off of the heat. It was a blessed distraction. If she kept the conversation going, she could push the thoughts of betrayal out of her mind as well.

“It wasn’t my first choice.” There was a note of finality to his tone. The topic was not open to discussion.

Too bad.

"That wasn't what I asked."

"Shepard."

" _Krios._ "

He fell silent at that and she rolled her eyes. For all she had went through, not even an explanation of that? Fine. She could push other buttons.

"So, your tribe," she continued. "Settled down, I take it?"

"Commander, this isn't really the time, is it?" Kaidan asked. Emilia felt her face grow warm. A conspiracy, then.

She let the conversation die.

Savet broke into a run after a while. Emilia chased after her down the road. The buildings had become fewer and farther apart, but cast against the horizon, she could see it. A white building, too modern and too temporary, surrounded by moving bodies.

Emilia grabbed Savet’s arm and yanked her back. She stepped back and pulled her down behind a large rock several steps off the road. This was exactly why she didn’t want her coming.

“Explain to her she has to stay here.” She looked at Thane. It didn’t occur to her until then he was unarmed beyond what the tribe had. Primitive guns. She could fix that.

He gave her a brief nod and knelt in front of Savet. He tried to calm her down, press the need to stay hidden, even reminded her of her child. That was the only thing that calmed her down.

She turned her gaze to Emilia, eyes narrowed again. A moment passed before she spit at her helmet. “Die with the rest of your kind.”

Emilia stood and wiped off her helmet with a sigh. She shook her head at the Drell woman before heading back to the road. Once they were far enough away from her, she pulled the sniper rifle off her back and shoved it at Thane.

“I trust you still know how to use one of these,” she asked as she looked back at him when he took the gun and found herself frozen to the spot. His hands gripped the weapon just as they had done when they fought side by side. His posture was firm, eyes unwavering and almost emotionless.

This was the man who killed Nassana Dantius. The man who helped her destroy the Collectors. There was not a single doubt in her mind that this was the same Thane Krios she fell in love with. For that moment, it became clear to her; this was no hallucination, he was real and alive.

And she loved him just as she always had; fiercely, passionately,  _desperately_.

“Alright,” She grabbed her assault rifle, one hand on the barrel and the other on the butt of the gun itself. “Let’s move out.”


	6. Cerberus

Ever since the attack on the Citadel during the war, Emilia had grown accustomed to fighting alongside Kaidan and Liara. They were powerful biotics and it took little to no time to wipe out a Cerberus unit or a wave of Husks. With Thane there, Emilia felt off balance.

They were at a disadvantage. Little to no cover and no chance for a sneak attack. Their only option was to charge in. The plan had received a look from her three comrades but was otherwise met by silence. She preferred that to snarky comments, at least. 

Kaidan and Liara went in first. Blue light flashed across the field, bodies and parts glowing. For every one Emilia killed, Thane had already taken care of three. Before she even knew it, outside the building there was nothing but dead bodies.

“When we get inside, we split up. Kaidan, you go with Liara. Find out if any of the captives are alive and get them out of there,” Emilia ordered. She paused. “Thane, you come with me.”

No one argued. She opened the door and took the lead down the hallway. It separated into three paths.

“We meet back here.” That was her last command before turning down the hall.

Thane’s presence only a step and a half behind her was distracting. She had other motives for bringing him with her. She stopped outside of the next door and glanced back. There was no sign of Liara or Kaidan.

Emilia pulled her helmet off and let it and her gun drop to the floor then turned to him. It was a risk, hardly different from the ones she let herself take before. Fighting on drugs, throwing herself into dangerous situations. Though that last one was a constant from the moment she joined the Alliance. She enjoyed the danger, she supposed.

“What are you-” She put a finger to his lips, eyes on his. She moved her hand to the side of his face and kissed him. It was slow, tender, until he wrapped his arms around her middle. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved to press his back to the wall.

She moved her hands to his neck and traced them up to the frill, silently cursing the armor she wore. They really had no time for this, but she could hardly hide her feelings. The realization that he was real and alive, that he had hardly changed, brought back the feelings she had of love and longing. It was enough to burn away the anger, for now.

The edge of reality seemed to blur when she finally pulled away. Every sound was amplified and her skin was much more sensitive. This was stronger than any pill.

“I missed you, Thane,” Emilia breathed as she pressed her forehead against his. “I missed you.”

“You’ve changed since I last saw you,” he whispered. He brought his hand up to her hair, almost like he was mourning the loss of length, then moved to trace the scar on her face.

She pressed her lips to his again, letting herself linger there before kneeling to pick her helmet back up. She flashed a grin at him and put the helmet back on. She grabbed her gun and stood back up.

The door opened before she even turned around.

The room was mostly empty save for a few crates, and dark. There was another door on the other side of the room. Something didn’t seem right.

“Stay close.” It seemed pointless to say it, but the last thing she wanted right now was to be isolated. She crept into the room and searched for any sign of life.

The door shut behind them and locked itself.

Emilia pressed her back to the wall. The door on the opposite wall opened an automated voice came over an intercom system, “Testing subjects 013 to 029 in closed combat.”

Sixteen to two. She glanced at Thane, regret filling her mind. She should have waited to kiss him. The room felt like it was at an angle and she was unsure of almost everything.

She turned her gaze back to the door. People in full armor stepped out in two uniform lines. Either they were well-trained or something much worse.

They spread out across the room and raised their guns. Emilia ducked down behind one of the crates before they opened fire. It was autonomous and unending until the clips were emptied.

The moment she heard silence, she peaked out and fired. Two fell before they opened fire again. These people weren’t alive by any right. Were they even people? Part of her hoped they were synthetic, just so what she was thinking wasn’t true.

She glanced around for Thane, the sound of the guns mixing and muddling her thoughts before long. He was calm as ever, back pressed against a pillar. He didn’t wait for the gunfire to slow and took the chance of firing. Another fire.

It wasn’t him she was focused on, however admirable his ability as a sniper was, but what was creeping up on him from the side. She didn’t think. She raised her gun and fired. The grunt’s body fell to the ground. 

Thane paused to look at the man’s body then over at her. Even if he couldn’t see it, she gave him a smile, then moved around the corner of the crate. Ten still remained.

They continued their pattern of waiting for them to reload and shooting them down. It took longer than Emilia wanted to spend on it, but it saved her grenades for later. When it was over, she walked to one of the bodies and knelt down to pull off the helmet.

“Well, that tells us what they’re doing with the tribes’ people…” The sight of the lifeless Drell on the ground made her stomach twist. She turned to Thane, fully expecting to see his hands clasped in prayer and head bowed. The low whisper of his prayer reminded her of him on “his deathbed”.

_Guide this one, Kalahira, to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, and the hungry never starve._

Those words haunted her with the last email she received from him. The words in that email were ones he never said aloud to her. Three words she was too afraid to say herself, but he had found the courage to write them.

Emilia bowed her head in prayer as well, briefly wishing the dead safe travel to whatever afterlife waited for them. She was far from religious herself, still not sure what she believed in, but it seemed right. They had died without cause or reason and at her hand.

After a few moments of silence, she moved ahead to the next room. Thane joined her. The happier air from before the fight had all but disappeared with the slaughter. There was a fresh tension in the air, brought on by memories.

“What the hell made you think faking your death was a good idea?” Emilia hissed as she glanced over at him. The lighting was darker in the hall. Light fixtures were busted along the walls or hanging loosely from the ceiling and flickering. It cast an eerie glow on the man she thought was lost to her forever, making him seem almost ghostly.

Thane didn’t respond. That annoyed Emilia, but she pressed on. The lights soon went out completely. Without thinking about it, she grabbed her flashlight and turned it on.

A destroyed LOKI mech lay against a door. Emilia holstered her gun and set to work on hacking the door’s lock. It would have been easier with Tali there. After a few tense moments of focus, the door opened.

The room was bright, almost enough to blind her at first. It disoriented her until a low, mechanical scream hit her. She pushed Thane out of the way then pulled her gun from the holster. The shot hit and brought down her shields.

“Shit!” She dove to hide behind the wall by the door, then looked over at Thane. He seemed vaguely disoriented but was already reloading his gun.

Emilia didn’t wait. She grabbed the grenade from her pouch, pulled the pin and threw it. The explosion came only a second later. She peeked around the corner, the smoke already clearing.

“Looks like a lab…” she muttered as she stood. “Let’s take a look around.”

The first few steps were taken with tentative care, just in case anything else was lurking around. At a glance, it was empty. Empty boxes were here and there across the room, a large desk in the center and a great deal of equipment Emilia had no idea what it did. In the back was a glass wall with a door in the center. Behind it, there were several bodies laying on the ground, presumably dead, and one strapped to a table.

Thane approached the door first, his steps quick and short. There was something in his posture that made her worry. She followed him, hesitant at first, not out of fear of what waited for her, but of what it would do to him.

He opened the door and the smell of antiseptic, drugs and blood spilled out. A groan came from one of the bodies in the room. Part of her was glad at least one of them survived. 

“Krios…?” the survivor moaned, his eyes flicking open. He was the one strapped to the table as she guessed. He had scars in several places and looked thin, even compared to all the others she had seen. She could see his _bones_.

Emilia reached to grab Thane’s hand and give it a small squeeze. The man on the table hardly noticed or cared. She doubted he would appreciate a human being there.

“Solon, what happened to you?” There was something in Thane’s voice she couldn’t place. She heard it once. Fear? Apprehension? Helplessness? 

“Not… Not important…” Solon coughed and grimaced. “Krios… Get outta here… ‘Fore the aliens get you next…”

Emilia looked at Thane. He didn’t try to hide his emotions. The distress was visible on his face. He moved to free Solon from the straps.

“Go!” he choked. “Get Chara and Savet… And get the hell away from here… _Save them._ ”

Thane’s hands lingered over the straps. Solon moaned for him to leave again and again. His protests drove Emilia mad and she was ready to drag Thane away before he clasped his hands in prayer.

This was no prayer for the wicked, and she knew not to interfere. Thane was only halfway through the first verse when Solon's eyes closed. If he still lived, it wouldn't be much longer.

"Thane..." She placed her hand on his shoulder. When she looked at his face, she saw the tears sliding down his cheeks. She wanted to hold him, to comfort him, but now was not the time.

Cerberus would pay for this.


	7. Cleanup

"Kaidan," Emilia said over the comm link. "We're blowing this place. You get back to the shuttle and get what we need. Liara, I need you to help me gather up all the data we can."

"Right, Commander. I'll be back soon."

Emilia sighed, looking back at Thane. They had left the room with the bodies and now sat in what looked like an armory. Guns, armor, tech. All more advanced than anything the tribe had access to.

"Are you alright?" she asked. He looked at her, his eyes almost blank.

"Solon was the first... Friend I made," he explained. "I knew I would have to hide a place where you would not think to look. Rakhana seemed the right choice. Within a week, I found Solon and Savet."

"Can't imagine Savet took kindly to you."

"Not at first, no," he said, shaking his head. "Solon, however... He wanted to know everything. He and Chara enjoyed my stories."

"Heh..." Emilia looked back at the door. "Everyone loves a good story, right?"

"Chara enjoyed stories about the warrior angel who saved the galaxy the most," he said, giving her a wry smile. "With hair of spun gold, and eyes like the unforgiving sea."

"You know?" she chuckled. "I don't mind if it's you spreading my legacy."

"I'm honored," he said as he tilted his head back. "...His second child will never know him."

"Savet's pregnant?" Emilia asked, bristling at the thought. "And you were willing to let her into this?"

"Savet is a tempest," he said. "There is no telling her no."

"Mm," Emilia hummed and shook her head. "You should go meet up with her. Liara and I have it from here."

* * *

 

"Find anything?" Emilia asked as she tapped at her omnitool. An email, to the Council. 

"The most I've found is detailed reports on the different test subjects," Liara said. "Health reports and records of the experimentation, but no explanation."

"Gather it all, we might be able to piece something together."

"Commander," Kaidan said, his voice crackling over the comm link. "I can get the explosive set up and we'll have about three minutes before it goes off. Are you two ready?"

"Just leaving now," Emilia said, looking back at Liara. Liara nodded. "Get into position, Alenko."

She and Liara left the building, with all the secrets it still held, and horrors it had seen. They would go over all the data downloaded and extracted later. Piece it together. The least she could do would be to give the tribe answers.

They met back up with Thane and Savet where they had left her before going in. She held her knees to her chest, her forehead resting on them. When Emilia gave him a questioning look, he simply nodded.

For the best, she supposed.

"Did you find anything?" he asked in a quiet voice. Emilia shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Savet looked up at her, eyes narrowed, and Thane explained the brief conversation to her.

"Useless!" Savet shouted, tears sliding down her face freely. "Almost as bad as the aliens in armor."

"Savet--"

"No," she snapped at Thane, getting to her feet. "You brought death to my people!"

"Enough of that," Emilia said, stepping in front of Thane. " _Enough_."

"My husband is dead because of people who look like you," Savet sneered. "May everyone you love vanish in the sea."

Emilia wanted to laugh. Margaret, Ashley, and so many others already had. Her friends, her family. Her first love. For a time, she wanted to drown in that sea, thinking herself unfit to wash up on the shore.

Kaidan came running up to join them at last. It wouldn't be long now. If Cerberus came back, they'd find themselves empty-handed. Small victories and all.

Savet screamed when she saw Kaidan and threw her hands up in defeat. She had taken enough, it seemed. In truth, she couldn't blame her.

She remembered what she was like that day. Angry, bitter,  _hateful_ _._ Kaidan tried talking to and she was dismissive. Didn't  _care_.

 

 

 

“Get her back to the tribe," Emilia said as she looked at Thane. "She needs to be with her people. I'll be back soon with supplies for the tribe."

"Of course, Shepard," he said, then tilted his head. She walked away from the group with him a few paces. "I only had enough power in my old omnitool for the distress signal."

"Of course, I'll bring you a new one," she said, tapping on hers to make a note of it. He sounded so distant. In the span of a few short hours, the passion, that kiss. Did all of it evaporate? "Is there anything else I could bring? For the tribe?"

"Anything you can bring, they would appreciate." 

"And... For you?" she asked, looking up at him. He looked away, almost ashamed.

He knew what this was. Goodbye.  _Again_.

She pulled off her helmet and let it drop to the ground, taking in a deep breath. The world smelled burnt, sweltering in a way nowhere else had. He watched her, transfixed until she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. One hand moved to brace her back, the other cradling the back of her head.

Tears slid down her cheeks as she pressed into him. She missed him, god did she miss him. Three years, she lived as a ghost; a hollow shell of the woman she was. All the universe was black, white and varying shades of grey.

When she opened her eyes again, she saw green. The most beautiful color, as she told herself. She pressed her forehead to his, moving her hand to his cheek.

She cried. For the first time, in front of him, she cried. Weak, vulnerable, but she didn't care. Three godforsaken years had gone by and she thought he was dead. Let him see her cry, that she had been broken by it. She was still only human, after all.

"Siha," he whispered and she wanted to tell him to be silent. She wanted to savor this. "This isn't goodbye."

"Don't," she said. "Don't... If Cerberus comes back, run."

"Shepard-"

"Don't!" she gasped, trembling despite herself. "I lost you once..."

He stroked her hair and brought his hand to her cheek. She leaned into his touch and gave a short laugh. This seemed so familiar. 

"...I love you," she said, finally. "I'm sorry you had to die for me to say it."

"Emilia..." Her chest felt so light, hearing him say her name. "I will be here when you come back."

"You better be," she whined. "I can't... Not again."

He kissed her forehead before stepping away and handing her back her helmet. Her chest  _ached_ , but he was right. This wasn't goodbye. She was coming back, and she'd keep coming back. She found her light again, the color, all of it. 

She put on her helmet and they rejoined the group to say their goodbyes more formally, and split off.

She would have a lot of work to do if she wanted to rescue Rakhana.

 


End file.
